"Get Your Ugly Fat Ass Over Here"

Not exactly what you would expect to hear in a Zagat rated establishment is it? And hear it I did, directed to me personally.
But this is a great case for a quote taken out of context. On its surface, it might be assumed to be an instruction from a cop to someone who is trying to jump in front of a train, or similar circumstance, like a parental command to a lard-ass offspring.

You have to know the Zagat rated Koch's Deli, Locust near 44th in Pennland here in the Quaker City to understand that its really a heart felt invitation to try a free sample of wonderful food. Koch's, founded in 1966, is a standing room only (except for two mismatched chairs) deli wonderland remembered from my youth and virtually unchanged since then (1974, when I lived in the then shabby, now pristine, Netherlands Apartments nearby).
Nothing here for new-fangled foodies or health nuts. Their trade is in giant sandwiches which could sustain most third world hamlets for a week. "More Meat for Less Bread". They take orders over the phone but don't make them till the caller shows up because they are busy with the folks in the store. The walls are festooned with pictures, "Best of Philly" awards, autographs, fan mail and municipal proclamations of greatness. While you wait for your order they offer free pickles and samples of whatever they are working on, with very earthy invitations.

Wherever you may see Koch's listed as a "restaurant" on those stupid on line restaurant sites, know you are reading ignorance. Koch's is not a restaurant, it is a DELI.
If you are visiting Philadelphia and have the choice between the Liberty Bell and Koch's, go to Koch's, unless you are not really hungry.
They have a website and a twitter thing but nobody pays attention to any of that, its a place you have to go to and enjoy for real.

Happy Holidays!??

So here it is this year, the time after Thanksgiving, when we used to say "Merry Christmas" to just about everybody. But today we mostly don't. We offer banalities instead, most commonly, "Happy Holidays". Why is this?
To the mild of mind, saying "Merry Christmas" to anyone that does not believe in it is supposedly an insult. Since they are not of the Christian faith, they will have a crappy day on Christmas, so why rub it in?  Or logic similar, and all too widespread.
This is utter nonsense. I don't believe in the virgin birth any more than I believe that Adam and Eve chatted with a snake. Its all quite silly to me, yet I always have a delightful time at Christmas once I get over grousing about all the shitty junk we squander our money on for young people. In fact I enjoy the midnight mass at Sts Peter & Paul, its a grand god show. So why are non Christians doomed to have a lousy day on December 25th? No reason at all. Why should we not wish Moslems, Jews, Bahais, Buddhists, Confucians, Jews, and everybody else a merry day? In fact they should have an even merrier day than Christian folks, since they get a day off and don't have to waste their time racing around like rabbits buying crap young people forget in an hour or less.
So here it is, for everybody, have a damn fine MERRY CHRISTMAS! And if you are so inclined, go find a snake and ask it about them apples....